A really lovely insightful and caring piece, which I could relate to both personally and for my neurodiverse children - I am a people pleaser and it's important I understand what is right for me, and to give my children the space to do what is right for them.
I too had a difficult relationship with a parent, my father, having caused complex PTSD during childhood, for which at times I truly hated him. Towards the end of his life he had many health problems including dementia brought on my chemotherapy. I always found it difficult to communicate with him and to manage my feelings, tho I grew to understand/empathise with him more and more as I got older (I'm 55) - I generally, but not always, found it not as hard as I'd envisaged to be with him, and was lucky to have seen him a couple of weeks before our first Covid Lockdown in the UK, when he died about a month later. I had to view the funeral online and found closure difficult. I take a great deal of comfort from that final visit when, although he couldn't form a sentence, we truly connected and new that we each loved each other.
This one is so resonant for me. The swimming hole, the stop and think, "the impulse to text my mother in all caps as if bigger letters will ensure she remembers what I’ve told her." Thank you 🐚
Thanks for letting me know it was resonant - when I hear that a piece like this is relatable, it really turns my relationship to productivity and "what I think I should be writing" upside down in a good way.
I had a conversation with my husband this morning regarding texting and my mother. He got me thinking about what she is needing/asking for when she sends me conspiratorial snippets from the internet. I just want to correct her out of fear. I’m going to try to offer more love the best I can.
I miss hiking in a bathing suit and sneakers. Never in Big Sur tho. I get poison oak just by looking at it.
I took this share to heart and mind as I always do. Thank you, Anna.
"I just want to correct her out of fear" - exactly this. I am holding on to one thing and one thing only during these days with my mother: Everything that feels like resistance is more or less a response to being afraid of a certain outcome. How do I respond to my fear? Do I YELL-TEXT? Really trying not to. Thank you for reading.
so so often your writing plays as a timely cue to help me articulate some ideas and feelings that have been swirling around under the surface.
ty for the work you do and the way you share it!
i’ve recently opted out on some “cool” “fun” stuff in an attempt to listen to/ better serve myself. the following feelings of guilt and lameness.. that i was vaguely aware of, but not working with.
im reminded i can kindly dismiss those feelings - not just ignore them. reminded to give myself a little pat on the back for choosing me: even if only for a little rest.. or even if only to stand alone for minute.. prioritizing myself doesn’t come naturally, and celebrating little victories is an important part of working to find more balance :))
For me, the hardest times (to get in the water) are by far the most healing. Also am a die hard stop and thinker. I most often get in trouble for lagging behind but I never regret it 🙃
Celebrating how much I located myself in your words. "Sometimes it is hard to get in when it is cold. Sometimes it is hard to let go. Sometimes I don’t want to be healed." I feel you and I'm tickled that somehow, on separate shores, we have both made internal commitments to the healing powers of the plunge whenever possible. And to solo grapefruit time as well.
Your writing is so beautifully transportive... felt like I was there rock scrambling (and perhaps resting?) alongside you. 🩵 sending love to you for the weeks ahead (and always).
A really lovely insightful and caring piece, which I could relate to both personally and for my neurodiverse children - I am a people pleaser and it's important I understand what is right for me, and to give my children the space to do what is right for them.
I too had a difficult relationship with a parent, my father, having caused complex PTSD during childhood, for which at times I truly hated him. Towards the end of his life he had many health problems including dementia brought on my chemotherapy. I always found it difficult to communicate with him and to manage my feelings, tho I grew to understand/empathise with him more and more as I got older (I'm 55) - I generally, but not always, found it not as hard as I'd envisaged to be with him, and was lucky to have seen him a couple of weeks before our first Covid Lockdown in the UK, when he died about a month later. I had to view the funeral online and found closure difficult. I take a great deal of comfort from that final visit when, although he couldn't form a sentence, we truly connected and new that we each loved each other.
I wish you all the best and hope this helps.
Thank you for sharing
Pete
Thank you for this reflection Pete. I read it while waiting at the bus station and it felt like a hug.
I'm glad, thank you 😊
A beautifully written story and one to which I can wholeheartedly relate. Thanks Anna. ❤️
Thanks for reading and letting me know. It helps me keep going.
Beautifully written ❤️
Thank you for reading me!
This one is so resonant for me. The swimming hole, the stop and think, "the impulse to text my mother in all caps as if bigger letters will ensure she remembers what I’ve told her." Thank you 🐚
Thanks for letting me know it was resonant - when I hear that a piece like this is relatable, it really turns my relationship to productivity and "what I think I should be writing" upside down in a good way.
Thank you for being us along ... what a gift to offer.
Thank you for coming along! The gift is in having readers.
Just noticed my typo... being v bringing ... kinda like it 😍
I had a conversation with my husband this morning regarding texting and my mother. He got me thinking about what she is needing/asking for when she sends me conspiratorial snippets from the internet. I just want to correct her out of fear. I’m going to try to offer more love the best I can.
I miss hiking in a bathing suit and sneakers. Never in Big Sur tho. I get poison oak just by looking at it.
I took this share to heart and mind as I always do. Thank you, Anna.
"I just want to correct her out of fear" - exactly this. I am holding on to one thing and one thing only during these days with my mother: Everything that feels like resistance is more or less a response to being afraid of a certain outcome. How do I respond to my fear? Do I YELL-TEXT? Really trying not to. Thank you for reading.
Oohhhhhh I’m so bloody stoked that I have found you! I dig your ways so very much X
happy to have you here :)
I loved this
good because I love you!
so so often your writing plays as a timely cue to help me articulate some ideas and feelings that have been swirling around under the surface.
ty for the work you do and the way you share it!
i’ve recently opted out on some “cool” “fun” stuff in an attempt to listen to/ better serve myself. the following feelings of guilt and lameness.. that i was vaguely aware of, but not working with.
im reminded i can kindly dismiss those feelings - not just ignore them. reminded to give myself a little pat on the back for choosing me: even if only for a little rest.. or even if only to stand alone for minute.. prioritizing myself doesn’t come naturally, and celebrating little victories is an important part of working to find more balance :))
again, thank you for sharing 🙏
“Sometimes I don’t want to be healed.” I resonated with this whole piece a lot, but that part especially. ❤️
For me, the hardest times (to get in the water) are by far the most healing. Also am a die hard stop and thinker. I most often get in trouble for lagging behind but I never regret it 🙃
I see you, and finally feel seen.
- a stop and thinker
Celebrating how much I located myself in your words. "Sometimes it is hard to get in when it is cold. Sometimes it is hard to let go. Sometimes I don’t want to be healed." I feel you and I'm tickled that somehow, on separate shores, we have both made internal commitments to the healing powers of the plunge whenever possible. And to solo grapefruit time as well.
Your writing is so beautifully transportive... felt like I was there rock scrambling (and perhaps resting?) alongside you. 🩵 sending love to you for the weeks ahead (and always).