▒ Thread-letter: Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold
If October was a sentence.
Dear reader,
Today I want to talk to you, and I want for you to talk back. It’s a thread-letter day. Today I have only my sentences from October, inspired by
, who writes one of the only emails I open.I would love for this letter to spark sharing and conversation within the community. Leave a comment directly, or respond to another reader’s comment and talk to somebody new.
✦ If October was a sentence, what would yours be?
The Second Coming Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon cannot hear the falconer; Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity. Surely some revelation is at hand; Surely the Second Coming is at hand. The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert A shape with lion body and the head of a man, A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun, Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds. The darkness drops again; but now I know That twenty centuries of stony sleep Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle, And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born? -William Butler Yeats, The Collected Poems of W. B. Yeats (1989)
10/1 He hides his heart and it makes me close up too. He hides heart and I question everything.
10/2 I am not non-chalant. I am chalant.
10/3 I did not expect to cry when the man with big thighs wearing a baseball hat and gym shorts scolded me on the plane for not communicating before I even had the chance to speak.
10/4 My mother went crazy this week. I think I am also going crazy.
10/5 My brother and his wife have never been to Savers.
10/6 My mother screams “Save me!” and then we do and it isn’t good enough.
10/7 God is taking no pity on her; she will white knuckle it all the way to her grave.
10/8 I have my friends, I have my work, but something will give. The center will not hold.
10/9 Watching mom yell at the sky.
10/10 I climbed onto her bed and sewed new buttons on my coat while she sat in her chair across from me and showed me her pain.
10/11 I am satisfied by my own love because it is good.
10/12 I am done looking at the problem of my relationship.
10/13 I pray for guidance or something gentle. I pray to keep my own company, and to do it well.
10/14 What do you feel you are being invited to do?
10/15 I release myself from the pain of this uncertainty.
10/16 I want to be un-hurtable.
10/17 I asked the baristas at a Starbucks for a pen but nobody had a pen; bewildered looks on their faces.
10/19 I drank a beer while the sun set in West Texas, took a bath under the night sky, ate free chocolate, hardly slept — too much wind.
10/20 Who will look after me when she goes?
10/21 Am I dissociating or disconnecting, or am I simply learning to care less?
10/23 I think there is still love, perhaps more love, at the root of this caring-less thing; I should not be afraid of the changes taking place inside of me.
10/29 To be in this country is to come from a broken lineage.
10/30 Perhaps all I had to do was expand my heart.
Nicole Lavelle has a newsletter called PILES, and the first one is a fantastic reflection on Palestine and a beautiful resource of current and historical liberation graphics. “Liberation graphics: perhaps the highest use for all the graphic design and illustration skills, Risograph machines, and social media accounts that so many of us seem to have. If you were looking for an assignment, allow me: consider working toward the liberation of all beings to be the most important creative assignment you’ve ever received.”
Can’t stop listening to this Helena Deland album. Especially this song.
I rely on the goodness of others for their streaming services and I finally found a house to watch Netflix’s Blue Zones in the other night. I find the host deeply grating, but I have been looking for more hills to climb ever since. You can also read this which sums up the links to longevity, but watching elders live their lives was pleasant and thought-provoking.
After donating almost $1500 to SurfearNegra since the start of this newsletter, I have felt called to shift donations to the Laru Beya Collective for the time being. Laru Beya Collective is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization dedicated to empowering the historically excluded youth of the Far Rockaways through surfing.
✦ If October was a sentence, what would yours be?
Thank you for reading and writing back today.
Love,
Anna
It’s been the hardest month and I am still sober.
The questions refuse to exit, so here I am building a room for them to rest.