Thank you for this. You've shown me there is no need to feel shame for taking contradictory actions, but rather, the contradiction itself is only another box we put ourselves into. Congrats on the studio space, you inspire me ☺️
Wow I love this reflection Emilie, thank you. It's okay if the way we feel about things shifts like clouds passing. The only time I come up against it is when other people (or what I think other people might think...tricky) try to innocently box me in to something committed, finite, planned, etc.
“I need to play with being quiet long enough to listen, even when other people want answers.” Oh baby this is a good one. People need to HOLD THEIR HORSES.
Right!? this hit me too! Like why are we rushing ourselves to appease for other people 😭. It feels so good to decide to slow done and let things and thoughts run wild for a while
One of the best things I’ve read this week. You’re one of a kind. Thanks for peeling back the curtains for us fellow artists. It helps feeling we’re not alone.
Anna, I’m not a big fan of parasocial relationships but I do feel that each one of your missives is like a friend walking with me through life.
As my life unfolds in a new and unexpected direction - certainly not a dream, and there is a lot of grief, but also a reaching towards ways I’ve been wanting to grow but been unable to - naming the urgency to know your plans and share your plans and the option to simply be as it unfolds feels like a reassuring hug.
anna, you're my twin whom I have yet to meet. how do you take every ponder in our brains and so eloquently place the words on paper. thank you for who you BE.
i read your interview as suggested on the "my dream is not a baby" letter and thought - don't take this as validation and crowd pleasing and do the same thing over and over - "just keep doing what you're doing"
also went to the library and grabbed "trick mirror", will send you a note once i'm done :)
Anna, Anna, Anna. This missive feels - once again - like looking in the mirror. You find the words to describe stuff I haven’t yet fully put my finger onto myself, but that rings oh so extremely true. I currently have a v big dream and I’m shivering big times, I’m so afraid to put it out there, even to talk about it with my closest friends, because I don’t have the answers. I hope it will somehow, intuitively, show me the way to make it happen - “if I play with being quiet long enough to listen”. Thank you for this, thank you for you.
Yes! This! I think so much of my hesitancy to talk about things is also due to fear, which I didn't really name in this piece, but of course that is part of it. If I share all of these elaborate dreams, well...that's a pretty fucking vulnerable place to be! And if it goes south? And everybody sees? I have to remember that I'd rather stand with shit on my face in the arena alone, having at least tried. But...that's hard.
thank you, thank you, thank you for putting words to an experience of traversing the unknown experiments in our lives and having no answers for others !
Funny coincidence, just used the somewhat clichéd analogy to describe the feeling of launching my book. I likened it to throwing my child into the ocean and waiting if she will swim....
I am a parent of three kids (no control there) so children are not just bound to motherhood. My feelings about my writing in this case, a project of five years that has my soul in it, looks a bit like me, sounds similar is very like how I experience parenthood. Mostly I agree though. Language is often used way too lightly....
The big shift of becoming a parent for me was realising with deeper intensity that everyone (and maybe everything) is a child. Even my parents are a child of someone. Your own is of course a bigger chunk of your reality. Once experienced, the birthing becomes part of you. And this is not limited to the physical experience of pregnancy. Though after being up close with three of those ‘divisions’ you definitely know that separateness is not real. It is very physical but not true on a deeper level.
Part of my book is about that. This diving into the bigger creation process, this connecting to, joining, entering, being entered, and yes birthing new things, ways, planting seeds, harvesting, killing and being killed. Mothering and fathering to what is next you, and accepting the same being offered to you. Parent and child in one. So yes art is one of my children and at the same time it nurtures me and I follow unwillingly and stubborn. Hating the stupid practice. But then again I have a metaphoric mind, and see reflections in everything.
Thanks, a very good post. It pushed me to think and pay better attention....
mmm I really loved this reflection so much. You pushed me to think and pay different attention, to consider all the ways in which I don't believe what I believe. :) Thank you
This really helps me just feel I can be more chill with myself, thank you for your writing as always. Wishing you a fun time moving into your new space.
How long ago has it been since we met in SF? You've been an inspiration to me ever since. Trying to be a photographer in Paris (or anywhere, really) ain't easy, but your writing always seems to settle me down and give me some wonderful things to think about. And yes, I read down the comments and discovered the easter egg, and I, too, am clenching.
Henrik, always a pleasure to see your name pop up. It is so nice to feel a thread between us after so long and to know that we pick up on the same things. Thanks for being here. ;)
Big ol’ “OOF YES” to all of this. Why does a project, an endeavor, an exploration with no expectations or destination need to be named a baby? I’ve been projected on in much the same way many times over and your words are a comforting reminder that, no, we’re not making babies out of everything we pursue simply because we were assigned female at birth. We get to just make.
Bro I fucking love Gil Fronsdal. Fact. And when someone asks me about anything I'm working on or working towards or working around...basically when anyone asks me a question about anything, I fold in on myself like a dying star. It feel like a balloon with a hole in it. I've been wrestling with this occurrence for like two decades. Yet on the other hand I can't wait to be asked my thoughts on the war on drug addicts and shit like that. The conundrum continues. Unfolds. Thanks again for being cool and sharing your experience.
Ha, I loved this. Like a dying star, yes! I initially had written "when people ask me what this is going to be, my butthole clenches" but I edited that out. So I'm writing it here instead, a little easter egg for anyone reading these comments. If you ask me about my plans, KNOW THAT MY BUTTHOLE IS CLENCHING.
"I need to know that big projects can unfold on their own without prematurely bludgeoning them for definitions." MY HEART, ANNA.
your work has been a huge, resonant gong for me this season, so thank YOU.
The gong that reverberates back and forth between us over and over and over 🖤
Thank you for this. You've shown me there is no need to feel shame for taking contradictory actions, but rather, the contradiction itself is only another box we put ourselves into. Congrats on the studio space, you inspire me ☺️
Wow I love this reflection Emilie, thank you. It's okay if the way we feel about things shifts like clouds passing. The only time I come up against it is when other people (or what I think other people might think...tricky) try to innocently box me in to something committed, finite, planned, etc.
“I need to play with being quiet long enough to listen, even when other people want answers.” Oh baby this is a good one. People need to HOLD THEIR HORSES.
I laughed out loud when I read this. Thank you.
Right!? this hit me too! Like why are we rushing ourselves to appease for other people 😭. It feels so good to decide to slow done and let things and thoughts run wild for a while
One of the best things I’ve read this week. You’re one of a kind. Thanks for peeling back the curtains for us fellow artists. It helps feeling we’re not alone.
Thanks for reading and saying so, that means OH SO MUCH.
Anna, I’m not a big fan of parasocial relationships but I do feel that each one of your missives is like a friend walking with me through life.
As my life unfolds in a new and unexpected direction - certainly not a dream, and there is a lot of grief, but also a reaching towards ways I’ve been wanting to grow but been unable to - naming the urgency to know your plans and share your plans and the option to simply be as it unfolds feels like a reassuring hug.
anna, you're my twin whom I have yet to meet. how do you take every ponder in our brains and so eloquently place the words on paper. thank you for who you BE.
i read your interview as suggested on the "my dream is not a baby" letter and thought - don't take this as validation and crowd pleasing and do the same thing over and over - "just keep doing what you're doing"
also went to the library and grabbed "trick mirror", will send you a note once i'm done :)
i'll be a fan forever x
Oof, the first few chapters just absolutely decimated me. You'll understand why quickly! Thanks for being a fan forever. I won't let you down.
Anna, Anna, Anna. This missive feels - once again - like looking in the mirror. You find the words to describe stuff I haven’t yet fully put my finger onto myself, but that rings oh so extremely true. I currently have a v big dream and I’m shivering big times, I’m so afraid to put it out there, even to talk about it with my closest friends, because I don’t have the answers. I hope it will somehow, intuitively, show me the way to make it happen - “if I play with being quiet long enough to listen”. Thank you for this, thank you for you.
Yes! This! I think so much of my hesitancy to talk about things is also due to fear, which I didn't really name in this piece, but of course that is part of it. If I share all of these elaborate dreams, well...that's a pretty fucking vulnerable place to be! And if it goes south? And everybody sees? I have to remember that I'd rather stand with shit on my face in the arena alone, having at least tried. But...that's hard.
thank you, thank you, thank you for putting words to an experience of traversing the unknown experiments in our lives and having no answers for others !
Yes! I don't really want to avoid the unknown because...well, it's impossible anyway!
Funny coincidence, just used the somewhat clichéd analogy to describe the feeling of launching my book. I likened it to throwing my child into the ocean and waiting if she will swim....
I am a parent of three kids (no control there) so children are not just bound to motherhood. My feelings about my writing in this case, a project of five years that has my soul in it, looks a bit like me, sounds similar is very like how I experience parenthood. Mostly I agree though. Language is often used way too lightly....
The big shift of becoming a parent for me was realising with deeper intensity that everyone (and maybe everything) is a child. Even my parents are a child of someone. Your own is of course a bigger chunk of your reality. Once experienced, the birthing becomes part of you. And this is not limited to the physical experience of pregnancy. Though after being up close with three of those ‘divisions’ you definitely know that separateness is not real. It is very physical but not true on a deeper level.
Part of my book is about that. This diving into the bigger creation process, this connecting to, joining, entering, being entered, and yes birthing new things, ways, planting seeds, harvesting, killing and being killed. Mothering and fathering to what is next you, and accepting the same being offered to you. Parent and child in one. So yes art is one of my children and at the same time it nurtures me and I follow unwillingly and stubborn. Hating the stupid practice. But then again I have a metaphoric mind, and see reflections in everything.
Thanks, a very good post. It pushed me to think and pay better attention....
mmm I really loved this reflection so much. You pushed me to think and pay different attention, to consider all the ways in which I don't believe what I believe. :) Thank you
This really helps me just feel I can be more chill with myself, thank you for your writing as always. Wishing you a fun time moving into your new space.
thank you :) FUN is the key, isn't it
Just yes!
Love love love.
How long ago has it been since we met in SF? You've been an inspiration to me ever since. Trying to be a photographer in Paris (or anywhere, really) ain't easy, but your writing always seems to settle me down and give me some wonderful things to think about. And yes, I read down the comments and discovered the easter egg, and I, too, am clenching.
Henrik, always a pleasure to see your name pop up. It is so nice to feel a thread between us after so long and to know that we pick up on the same things. Thanks for being here. ;)
Big ol’ “OOF YES” to all of this. Why does a project, an endeavor, an exploration with no expectations or destination need to be named a baby? I’ve been projected on in much the same way many times over and your words are a comforting reminder that, no, we’re not making babies out of everything we pursue simply because we were assigned female at birth. We get to just make.
Bro I fucking love Gil Fronsdal. Fact. And when someone asks me about anything I'm working on or working towards or working around...basically when anyone asks me a question about anything, I fold in on myself like a dying star. It feel like a balloon with a hole in it. I've been wrestling with this occurrence for like two decades. Yet on the other hand I can't wait to be asked my thoughts on the war on drug addicts and shit like that. The conundrum continues. Unfolds. Thanks again for being cool and sharing your experience.
Ha, I loved this. Like a dying star, yes! I initially had written "when people ask me what this is going to be, my butthole clenches" but I edited that out. So I'm writing it here instead, a little easter egg for anyone reading these comments. If you ask me about my plans, KNOW THAT MY BUTTHOLE IS CLENCHING.
Clenching in solidarity.
YES 👏 thank you for putting this to words. as someone who is a mother, it also resonates deeply.