i've discussed with friends how crushes are so much more difficult in your 30s than they are in your teens or 20s. they mean more, or you're able to parse the attraction more, or things can escalate more quickly and you're more in touch with your feelings and rationale behind decisions and actions. it seems like more is at stake than the innocent, naïve crushes in high school. i miss the easiness of that crush type, but this type now feels deeper. good but annoying that it's so serious.
"I’m no longer interested in excavating anyone out of their emotional stuntedness." I need to write this on a post it and put it all over my apt. Definitely feel the same regarding crushes and pretty much all other relationships. Too busy with my own excavation!
How do we have the fun of the crush without self abandonment, dipping red flags in bleach, or killing the fun for fear of repeated mistakes? It can be done! I hold hope for us both :)
"I played dumb for the sake of curiosity, but also because telling the man in front of me that I knew a different man who was inconceivably better at something he was about to attempt would have been lame." I laughed at this because it's something I do too. Keeping knowledge/experience to yourself in order to watch someone unlock themselves in front of you can be a beautiful (and fun) learning exercise.
smiling almost the entire time I read this. thank you for all that you share ~ I feel lucky to get this peek into your life / relationships. the human experience is SO beautiful.
relate so much with what you are going through in life right now. "Living with others blesses me with the safety to isolate without self-isolating."
also, the last paragraph made me giggle. so sweet. <3
Pulling over on the side of the 1 above Schooner Gulch beach this past Sunday, I watched three humans tumble out of a pickup truck, two with wetsuits and boards and one with a warm jacket for their small human body. They all headed down the steep trail like it was the back of their hands, commenting on the poison oak all around. The beach received them, child removing jacket and plopping into sand with laser focus, adults looking for swells to ride, small crests to surf.
I thought of you and your spirit as I gazed at them for a spell. Feeling the wonder of the pull of mama pacific to we humans, a pull so strong we invented wetsuits to spend more time in her chilly arms.
May you be well, may your beautiful voice continue to come through in your writing and speaking. xoxoxo
I've had a crush the last few months after almost two years of no crushing. I get so absorbed in fantasy it's disorienting, but also enlivening. It's been hard for me to just let the aliveness and intrigue be there and not to become enveloped in the fantasy, to escape into it. Love hearing about your new crush experience.
loved this one.
i've discussed with friends how crushes are so much more difficult in your 30s than they are in your teens or 20s. they mean more, or you're able to parse the attraction more, or things can escalate more quickly and you're more in touch with your feelings and rationale behind decisions and actions. it seems like more is at stake than the innocent, naïve crushes in high school. i miss the easiness of that crush type, but this type now feels deeper. good but annoying that it's so serious.
"I’m no longer interested in excavating anyone out of their emotional stuntedness." I need to write this on a post it and put it all over my apt. Definitely feel the same regarding crushes and pretty much all other relationships. Too busy with my own excavation!
How do we have the fun of the crush without self abandonment, dipping red flags in bleach, or killing the fun for fear of repeated mistakes? It can be done! I hold hope for us both :)
The moment I see a there’s a new post of yours, I am GIDDY. They never let me down. Love and relate so much. Thank you for your words <3
thank you for saying so :) and for being here
baby yes, all of this.
"I played dumb for the sake of curiosity, but also because telling the man in front of me that I knew a different man who was inconceivably better at something he was about to attempt would have been lame." I laughed at this because it's something I do too. Keeping knowledge/experience to yourself in order to watch someone unlock themselves in front of you can be a beautiful (and fun) learning exercise.
smiling almost the entire time I read this. thank you for all that you share ~ I feel lucky to get this peek into your life / relationships. the human experience is SO beautiful.
relate so much with what you are going through in life right now. "Living with others blesses me with the safety to isolate without self-isolating."
also, the last paragraph made me giggle. so sweet. <3
thanks for reading
Well done, hunni - Love the image of you curled up in a ball on the floor with your computer writing this
SO GOOD as always ✨
Obsessed. Relate so precisely. Thank you for writing and sharing. BIG love.
Pulling over on the side of the 1 above Schooner Gulch beach this past Sunday, I watched three humans tumble out of a pickup truck, two with wetsuits and boards and one with a warm jacket for their small human body. They all headed down the steep trail like it was the back of their hands, commenting on the poison oak all around. The beach received them, child removing jacket and plopping into sand with laser focus, adults looking for swells to ride, small crests to surf.
I thought of you and your spirit as I gazed at them for a spell. Feeling the wonder of the pull of mama pacific to we humans, a pull so strong we invented wetsuits to spend more time in her chilly arms.
May you be well, may your beautiful voice continue to come through in your writing and speaking. xoxoxo
This was so delightful to receive. Thank you for sharing. I am warm.
I've had a crush the last few months after almost two years of no crushing. I get so absorbed in fantasy it's disorienting, but also enlivening. It's been hard for me to just let the aliveness and intrigue be there and not to become enveloped in the fantasy, to escape into it. Love hearing about your new crush experience.