Things I Want You To Know About

A midweek break from the live-action romance, ft. three books, a film I loved, 400 words about a film I did not love, how to do hard things, and more.

Dear reader,

Today’s newsletter is a roundup of things I badly want to share with you. I considered putting them all at the bottom of my next personal letter, part two of “When A Self-Help Book Helps”, but frankly it was just too much writing.

So here is a midweek break from the live-action romance of my life. Think of it like an intermission from all of the DEEP RELATIONSHIP WORK WE ARE DOING TOGETHER via my relationship. Have a snack, do a little stretch, look at the sky and be grateful you are you. I’ll be back in a few days with my homework revelations.

1. I inhaled all but one of Melissa Febos’ books in less than a month. I read Girlhood first, then Body Work, and I am just about finished with Abandon Me. I am glad I read them in this order. I am changed, forlorn, and sufficiently held. Run, don’t walk.

2. This talk by Ram Dass that I listened to while walking along the coast on Thanksgiving day. I’ve listened to it three times and have transcribed almost the entire thing into my notes app. It feels like eating one giant spoonful of relational wisdom — especially pertinent when I want to be very silly (see: usually). If there’s one thing you take away from today’s newsletter, let it be this. Please note: You can find the talk on other listening platforms, but I especially like the way it is broken down into chapters on the YouTube link I shared above. Dass starts talking at 11:50. I recommend starting there, which will allow you to skip the intro. I feel like unless one is positing alternative ideas to whatever is being presented, there is no need to precede a talk with 12 minutes of talking, especially not a Ram Dass talk. Just let the man talk!

3. This podcast episode of Let It Out, featuring Katie Dalebout and…me! I tried my best to speak slowly and to avoid “like” and “um”, but when all was said and done, I wish I had relaxed more and let myself riff freely. I still think it’s a good listen. Makes frequent stops at topics like friendship, the harm of over-processing, the difference between care and concern, and learning to love all of your neighbors. Thank you for listening.

   

   still from the film Jane by Charlotte

4. A film I’d recommend: Jane by Charlotte. Charlotte Gainsbourg’s directorial debut follows her mother, Jane Birkin, around the French countryside, Paris, and New York, resulting in a quietly moving portrait. I watched it on MUBI, which besides the Criterion Collection, is the only video streaming platform I subscribe to.

5. A film I do not recommend but want to talk about anyway: Corsage, starring Vicky Krieps. Spoiler alert ahead, but in my opinion there isn’t really a spoiler to reveal for this sad puddle of a film. I have a noteworthy crush on Krieps, largely stemming from her role in P.T. Anderson’s Phantom Thread (one of my most beloved films). I was hoping Corsage would feel like taking a swim in similar waters, and while the film is visually stunning and Krieps fulfills the needs of her character, I really did not like this film. I did not feel good, wiser, or moved in any way by it. I wish money had not been spent making this film, and I subjected T. to a five-minute rant about why as we walked from the theater back to the car. Sometimes I like it when I have strong reactions to things, even if the reaction is aversion. And so perhaps I am glad to have seen the film, just so that I could remember HOW VERY BORED I AM OF THE GLITZ, GLAMOR, AND GLORIFICATION OF SUICIDE AND DRUG USE, especially when it pertains to women’s stories. Unlike the reviews on this advertisement, Corsage is not “bold”, nor does it “reject the conformity of the genre”. I’d argue that by relying on these tragic tropes, it plays into the genre quite well, and unimaginatively so. The tagline of this film feels like it should be “She’s so brave, she killed herself”, and it makes me irate. It also makes me depressed. Can a nonconforming, distinct, and undaunted woman be portrayed without tragedy and selfishness? Must suicide be the answer to the questions asked of a woman’s life? Can the complexities of a woman struggling with motherhood, aging, and society’s expectations of her be portrayed without total abjection? If Corsage is a “dedication to complex women”, well then shit piss fuck, count me out. Using heroin does not make a character complex. Killing oneself and leaving behind a husband and two children does not make a character complex. I am very excited for the development of alternative stories that portray multidimensional, tangled characters — stories that don’t need to drown their heroines in order for them to be taken seriously. If you are jonesing to explore something that relies on similar tropes but is actually poignant, I suggest the 1974 film A Woman Under the Influence, directed by John Cassavetes.

What else…

6. This newsletter by Nic Antoinette. Nic’s newsletters slap and I write to her after almost every single one because I literally can’t fucking help myself.

7. This episode of Tricycle Talks with Ocean Vuong that leveled me. An excerpt from the episode that I immediately shared with a friend:

“As an artist, there has to be an allegiance to wonder and awe and mystery, and a willingness to quest beyond facts and truth, and that is the artists role, to go to the cliff of knowledge and look over it and say, “That looks terrifying, there is no light, but what can I see with my little lamp?” Sometimes you set your lamp down and you start digging, and there’s nothing there, and sometimes, all of a sudden, there’s a flash of bone and you’ve stumbled upon something, and that is a very difficult endeavor for the soul. It’s very expensive on the soul to do that work, because there’s very little support of it.” -OV

8. This list of things my landmate Nico dictated to me when I asked him how he completed a project that seemed mystifying and challenging to me:

   

   How to do hard things by Nico

   Love,

   Anna

still from the film Jane by Charlotte