Let Feathers Ruffle
The lessons repeat until they are learned.
Dear reader,
Lately I’ve been trying to remember how little I have to know. I don’t need answers, even if my ego really wants me to have them. Often, no decisions must be made. Rarely am I asked to choose before I’m actually ready to respond intuitively. I’m discovering that I like the way it feels to shrug my shoulders in bemusement, to let every day’s path be a mystery instead of a narrow winding road.
I try to avoid offering prescriptive life advice because I believe that no one else can speak for our spirit. Even in my one-on-one sessions, I squirm when clients ask me to tell them what to do. Instead, I outright tell them that they already know, and I ask them questions to help them remember.
But on Monday, faced with another solar return, I found myself reflecting on a few quiet truths that have settled within me this year. Now feels like the moment to share them: the thirty-five things I’m telling myself, right now at least. Some of them come from other minds, some of them come from 12-step rooms, some of them come from the field of stars up above.
You are only as strong as you are soft. If you are rigid and protected, you are actually more fragile and likely to break. If you get soft, even in the face of EVERYTHING, you can bend. A soft front and a strong back are not mutually exclusive.
Remember to PAUSE: Postpone Action Until Serenity Enters.
Notice the urge to interrupt or finish people’s sentences for them. Practice what to say when you’re the one being interrupted.
Complaining begets more things to complain about. The inverse is also true.
Make a gratitude list every day.
Pursue the rooms where you find peace, despite how terrified and alone you might feel when doing so.
Imagine failing magnificently. Remember there is no report card at the end of life.
Remember that people love to “should” each other because it offers a sensation of control in a landscape of entropy. Mind the act of “should-ing”, for yourself and others.
Relax into the mystery, like a boat on a lazy river.
The parts of your shadow that plague you the most are also your greatest gifts when you learn how to alchemize instead of avoid them.
The world is full of false binaries that block us from our wildest dreams, and from each other. Notice the options you give yourself. Challenge yourself to create more.
Daily affirmations said in front of the mirror actually work.
Protect the quiet, wooded den inside of you at least once a day by sitting alone with nothing but your breath. Intuition rises in the bravery of stillness.
Mind your attachments: Let it die everyday. What wants to be born again tomorrow, will.
Floss every day.
When you feel lost, ungrounded, or grief-stricken, do less. Do almost nothing.
Life is a series of things falling apart. We have no say when it begins or ends. Meanwhile, we get to decide how we put something, or ourselves, back together.
Cold showers, loud music, singing = smiling.
Fun and play are elusive in a culture that prioritizes outcomes. Remember to carve out time to do things just for the sake of their process, otherwise they may not find you.
Let yourself become very bored, uncomfortably so. See what’s on the other side.
If it’s urgent, god ain’t in it.
Mind your expectations. Ask yourself before taking action: Am I doing this hoping for a certain outcome, or am I doing this to experience something in the present as it is right now?
Everyone is your teacher. Act as if everyone is enlightened - except for you.
Life is a series of misunderstandings. We only get to decide how we respond when we don’t understand.
Often, the best response is no response.
Take your dreams seriously. Imagine the nagging voice in your head pointing you towards something not as a willy-nilly jester, but as your god-given compass.
How we talk about things — ourselves, our work, our experiments, our relationships — matters. It’s the difference between “This ____ is a dumpster fire” and “This ____ is a mystery I am learning from every day.”
When thinking about how to value your work, remember that your work is all of it — every moment that brought you to a point, not just your “hours” worked on a project.
Nothing is set in stone. Pivot anytime. Accept the consequences with grace and gratitude. Let people have their feelings about it.
Being accountable is one of the most loving things we can do for each other. The root of accountability is humility. If our ego is busy protecting us from fear of failure or disappointing others, we respond to others with defensiveness and excuses. We can offer others our accountability and trust when we soften our guard and practice the simple art of “My bad, I hear you.”
When you feel like a victim, ask yourself what the next one action could be to flip the script. No one can change your story for you. Commit yourself to a role that feels better.
Scrutinize your people-pleaser. Make friends with the feeling of others being disappointed by you, confused by you, or misunderstanding you. It is impossible to please everyone. Ask yourself before taking action: Am I doing this to control how others perceive me? What would I do if I knew I wouldn’t be judged for it?
Dare yourself to imagine what it would be like to live a life that looks nothing like what you’ve seen modeled by your friends and family. Do the same with your intimate relationships.
Let feathers ruffle.
Bring: romance, awe, gratitude.
Be: honest, brave, willing.
Love,
Anna
Fuck this is a list. The deep breath I took at #1 alone was enough. an absolute goldmine of rememberings, thank you.
reading this list has bestowed a sense of magic and newfound clarity upon my day. will be thinking about 'intuition rises in the bravery of stillness' for a while.. and also, happy birthday !